The Season Immersed

Happy Christmas to you and a Merry New Year!

There has been a possible change to my agenda for 2018, and it is heading me in a direction that wasn’t quite on my radar. It isn’t a bad thing, rather one that I am not quite sure what to make of it. The worst outcome may be that I enjoy it and not worry about using it to my advantage.

My most overwhelming stumbling block concerning my writing is others expectations. (*Others meaning anyone besides me.) My immediate consultants (hubs and children) have reminded me often and sometimes loudly that I plan too much. True, and that comes from a life lived shaded by negativity and warning. Even when one chooses to trim up those overhanging branches that blocked the light, it is a hard perspective to let go. Sometimes, with out realizing it, you pull back closer to the trunk, to the base so that familiar shaded view of yourself and the world is recreated. Letting those outside judgements of you whether real or imagined stay far too much on your mind.

I hope that is cryptic enough to fit anyone else’s life besides mine. It’s hard to write personal and broad at the same. Sharing perspectives and feelings is tough. It puts us in a vulnerable position, and most of us don’t like that. Me, neither! However, when I set out to write, personal wasn’t a priority and then for a short while it was. It briefly reverted back to a broader view, but then I was diverted to writing for children bringing me back to a personal slant.

Communication is both difficult and easy, and sometimes it is both with the same person – depending on perspective, subject matters, personal view points, and the dynamic of the relationship. When I write, these things take some priority in my work regardless of whether it is intimate to me from imaginings of what that character or situation must feel or seem like. Making the children stories broad based enough that they appeal and approach relevant issues as I see them and choosing ones personal to any child, no matter their age is motivation- universalness. I research things like fonts for those with reading and vision issues, double check the reading level of my writing, leaving enough room for a readers own imagination to fill in blank descriptions to their own liking, and some more small, possibly insignificant details of a story.

Yes, it sometimes feels like I am trying to do too much with too little skill. I am reminded of a phrase that I think often applies to my writing as well as to me – “educated beyond level of intelligence.” Otherwise known as a useful idiot. Which, if we are all truthful, we all have those moments. I like to think somewhere in the past we were kinder, gentler and more tolerant of one another, but maybe that is just wishful thinking.

Regardless, I hope that we become a bit more tolerant of each other and our moments. That we all, especially me, stop knee-jerk reacting. Take time to examine those initial reactions and feelings, discern what choices available to us about that particular “thing” – be it issue, opinion, event, or whatever. Since I started publishing my stories, I myself am struggling to do, especially since my skill and what I want to do aren’t exactly in alignment with each other. I had to choose whether or not to wait for the day, in hopes it would come, or forge ahead practicing and learning all I could about writing and publishing as I was doing it. For me, the later was my choice, and it suits me.

Sure, I made and make mistakes along the way. But doesn’t everyone. Am I the only flawed person in the world? I don’t thing so. I do my best and continue to practice that I get better -so my best may become better. I will try to approach next year with this same perspective- try not to plan too much, keep practicing, and do my best regardless of unforeseen developments.

And that is my wish for you this holiday season, that we all do our best, and we keep trying to be better, so that our best gets better.

Julie

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